So it's been... forever since I wrote in this thing. I remember at one time, getting on this with Jane and trying to search for pictures of a boy that we later ended up writing an amazing song about.

Since then, things have really changed.

I'm in college now. Damn, what a scary thought.

I miss how everything used to be. I miss the past. I miss the sweet whispers and the insanity of the thought of not seeing him for a whole day. When priorities where different, and I was still the "hot" girl that he was dating. Now I'm just old news.

I'm determined to make new friends. I have a few amazing friends already, and am on the path to making a few more. I will learn to survive. I am a woman. It's what I do.

so it's been a long long time since i updated this thing. myspace seemed to take over the world.

so this christmas season kind of sucks. i'm plagued with memories of happier times. when i could see a family that pretented to love and care for each other. i loved christmas time until last year. Christmas meant family time... love, laughter, and memories. now i wish i never had made memories like those. maybe then i wouldn't feel like i was missing out on anything.

bryon proposed to mom yesterday. good for them.

I don't know why I'm so angry all the time now.

Hard news, taken harder, don't look to me Disappointed, we don't agree, I don't need your praise...
(don't look my way for help, from the beginning you came to me)
Never asked you to like me, I don't want your praise (we won't play your games)Look down on me, spit in my face, you're nothing to me:not to me Darkened eyes you'll see, there is no hope, no savior in me (don't look this way, don't breathe this way, don't stare this way, anymore) Learned from years gone by, no one will care, what happens to me (don't look this way, don't breathe this way, don't stare this way, anymore) My presence won't be ignored, no not today  Don't walk in my direction, turn the other way (don't look my way for help, from the beginning you came to me)
Asking questions, predetermined answers, you won't find them here (we don't want your opinion)
And I don't want you, I won't let you think, compromise is near. 'Cause it's not near. I'm alone in here No more feelings Killed my fears Don't ask you'll never know you're left behind and I'll be exposed Far away, you keep on trying... Holding me down, breaking away, trying to distance my life. Not one in the crowd, but one with the answer the one that could change your mind But it's not true, I don't need you Don't waste your time, and don't waste mine I'm not your friend, I won't soothe your soul And in the end you're all dead to me....

I can't wait for life to move on.

i wish i didn't feel so loney, left out, and second-best.

i wish that work didn't rule my entire life.

i wish i wasn't moving like 45 minutes away.

i wish that i still had my kitties.

i wish that life was as good as it was before everything feel to shit.

if i could have 10 wishes, those would be the first 5.

i'm tired of spending everyday the same as the day before.

either i'm working, spending time with him, or being alone.

don't get me wrong,

work sucks, but i need the money,

i love him more than anything, but he has a life of his own,

and being alone means i get to catch up with my laundry.

but what the hell?

when every day seems the same as the day before,

things get boring. i miss all of my friends. even though i know its my fault, i still can't help but wish things would just change on there own so that everything just works out.